I am a very logical person, I am maybe too logical. Not the kind of logic “this is how things should be but aren’t” but the kind that helps you navigate though real life. I seem to use logic strategically to anticipate problems and consequences. Even down to the way the tupperware is arranged is a logical decision for me. I am not a type “A” personality or uptight or anything I just like things done the way it makes sense. If you use logic in decision making it just makes life easier for everyone (in my opinion). Anyway, in being my logical self sometimes I tend to ignore how people feel in the equation. Logically, something may add up but what about when it affects a persons feelings? Then I have to tread with caution even though every bone in me wants to yell logic at them. Sometimes I even ignore my own feelings when Im just using logic. Sometimes logic helps me protect my feelings. Something I know is that people have hurt me and my experience tells me that logically they will hurt me again. The same things they have repeated many times before will happen again. They have proven who they are and what kind of things they do, so my calculated reasoning leads me to believe they will act that way again. So logically I put my guard up. Eventually, maybe let it down a little, all the while secretly waiting to see if/when they are going to hurt me again. And then it happens. Boom. They do it again. Big surprise? Not at all. Big Disappointment. However all of my reasoning and logic told me who they were and what to do but my feelings allowed me to let them in and then get hurt. Sometimes my logic is right and other times my feelings are. I don’t know which one to follow. The can coexist but it is hard. I believe that people can change and that I could be wrong, they may never hurt me in the same way again. I could be setting them up for failure, and waiting for the next worst thing to happen could be what is damaging our relationship. How do I logically continue down a road I think might hurt but one that my heart wants to explore and forgive?
